 3
March 2005, 2.57am
1st March 10.15pm: I was sitting on the toilet
thinking ‘why
can’t I have a sign, I know you are coming soon’.
Then I leant forward and heard a pop. I looked down
and saw I had a slight ‘show’. I jumped
up and started to dance around. I was so excited. After
about
one hour I also had some mucous and I knew this was
it.
I went to bed even though I was too excited to sleep,
but at 1.30am a gush of fluid came out of me, so
I rushed to the toilet to check it out. I wasn’t sure if
it was my waters breaking or not…I went back to
bed and started to feel period-like pain that hurt, so
I moved into the 2nd bedroom to let my partner continue
sleeping and started timing the pains. They were about
5 – 10 mins. apart and I decided to call the hospital
to check about what to do. I knew I needed to get an
antibiotic injection if it was my waters breaking as
I had strep b, so I thought I’d better be sure.
They said to leave it for a couple of hours and then
call again, which I did as contractions were happening
every 5 mins. After I finished packing my bag we went
to the hospital at 4am.
At the hospital the midwives said it wasn’t my
waters and to go home to sleep…yeah, right!
Back home I tried to get some sleep, but just managed
to rest between the pains. It wasn’t that bad,
but enough to keep me slightly on edge.
At 7am I ran a hot bath which was bliss and by 10am
the pain was getting so strong, that I felt I needed
the
safety of the hospital, so off we went, very scared
indeed.
The contractions continued pretty constant and my
partner contacted our doula, as she soon would be
needed to
help us with the birth of our son.
After the doula arrived, she took me for a walk around
the hospital grounds. I remember we were chatting
and it was hot, but I didn’t really mind. I was starting
to think this was going to take a long time, but I
kept it inside. I was struggling with the idea of this
birth
and tried to put it behind me. This turned out to be
a mistake as the labour continued for a much longer
time than I expected.
Back in the room the doula prepared some hot packs
which relieved some of the pain, but the biggest
pain was my
mind…I just didn’t like this whole idea
of being stuck in a situation beyond my control.
At some stage I threw up and felt quite relieved
by it! I also cried and was grieving for my father
who
had died
only 2 months ago.
In a meeting during pregnancy with my partner and
my doula I had pointed out that I was very likely
to ask
for drugs and that I wanted neither of them to stop
me from this or make me feel bad about it. My partner
was
not too happy about the idea of drugs during labour
and my doula informed me about the possible side
effects for the baby, but they both agreed to support
me in
whatever
choice I made.
By 1pm I was asking for gas and to be examined. The
disappointing news was that my cervix was only 1/2
centimetre dilated!
So I continued to use hot packs, gas and did hip
rotations in the shower.
Soon I was having enough of labour and asked the
midwife for morphine. It seemed like forever from
the time
I asked for it till the time the midwife gave it
to me.
I thought someone was trying to trick me.
My partner and doula were fantastic the whole time.
I was never left alone, there were always some encouraging
words or a soothing touch. Wonderful aromatherapy
oils were being diffused, beautiful music was playing,
and
liquids were fed to me with a straw.
I still wanted the morphine and finally got it. With
that I felt my mind was coming to a rest, as I knew
I was still in for the long haul.
At my request I was examined again at 5pm and still
was only 1.5 cm dilated! I wanted my waters broken
and this
is exactly what my obstetrician did. He also took
the clock off the wall, so I couldn’t watch the time
any longer and after this labour really started.
I found the pain much less in the shower as I was
upright and moving around and was thankful for my
belly dancing
lessons, but I was so exhausted by this stage, that
I wanted to go back to sitting, even though it was
more
painful.
At my request I was examined again at 11pm and was
told I had to move only the anterior lip of my cervix
and
that I was fully dilated.
Thank god they had filled the birthing pool in the
meantime, as I really wanted more drugs by that stage.
I was so
thankful to finally be getting into the pool. It
was nice, warm and comforting.
I thought I had to push now, but again it was a bit
of a struggle in my mind as I was in ‘bath mode’ and
wanted to relax for a while. Couldn’t anyone
just hang on? It was hard and I tried different positions.
I felt bad for everyone present, as I felt I was taking
too long. I was really not enjoying being the centre
of attention and wanted to just go home. Was this transition?
After one hour in the pool I got frustrated and asked
the midwife when I could start pushing as it was
getting incredibly painful. The midwife only said
that I would
know when. I ended up in a place where I just wanted
it over and knew there wasn’t going to be a water
birth. It was a real disappointment to me, but I knew
I didn’t have the power and that having my feet
on the ground was going to help me with the last stage.
I got out of the pool and tried a squatting push
with my partner supporting me, but this didn’t help
either as I felt drained.
Somebody suggested a birthing stool which I agreed
on and felt this was the answer as I really couldn’t
get it together.
Supported on one side by my partner, on the other
side by the obstetrician, behind me by the doula
and in
front by the midwife, I pushed hard for one hour.
On the 3rd
of March at 3 minutes to 3am my blood and vernix
covered son finally slid out. I was so glad it was
over!
The midwife handed him to me, but the cord was very
short and I couldn’t bring him up to my chest.
I noticed his head was cone shaped and had lots of
dark hair.
With another painful contraction the placenta was
born and my partner cut the cord. Then he held our
son,
who looked so big and it was hard to believe he’d just
come out of me. I was feeling really weird - I wasn’t
crying tears of joy and pouring love on my child. Am
I bad mother? All I wanted was a shower, have the room
cleaned and be in bed. And so my partner and I took
a shower, while the midwife cleaned up the room and
the
doula was holding our new baby.
All in all it is still hard to comprehend. I am learning
every day and loving my son more and more – what
an incredible experience!
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